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I can't think of words to express how i feel. This summer has been a bunch of bullshit. I miss so many people so much. Many things have changed some for the better, a lot for the worst. Im leaving on Saturday, and i have this gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach, becuase someone who i thought of as my best friend seems to hate me right now. And this is all over what ?? Weither you read this or not im still getting it off my chest.. I understand that you hate it when i get jealous becuase you hang out with other girls, but i mean what am i supossed to feel, someone who hangs out with me everyday of my life and pays so much attention to me suddenly doesn't. The only reason i get so upset is becuase i know that you hanging out with other people means that we wont hang out as much, and its as if i will lose you. But this one time i was okay with it and i let you hang out with new people and whoever you wanted to hang out with, and i kept my mouth shut, and i put a smile on doing it, only becuase i know you hate it when im not happy or when im not in a good mood. I do everything for you. I tried to be nice, but i cant help noticing things are different and that change has happened. I just dont understand why you said such harsh words, what have i done to make you so angry. Theres nothing i can say or do to change what you think and feel. I just think it would been nice of you to explain all of this to me, but you have never been one for talking about things.

• You always made it seem like you cared.
• You dont understand how much you mean to me.
• My life seems to revolve around you.
• I guess this is me saying sorry.
• Everything you say makes me think about my actions.
• I don't want to leave with everything like this.
• I have been trying to work on not saying anything.
• This was for you.

I never thought I'd,
I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all

I took my time,
I hurried up
The choice was mine,  I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, To go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again

You'll close it off,You'll board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I cant wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone.

[	Current Mood	|	jubilant	]
[	Current Music	|	motion city soundtrack. a.o.k.	]

Every Stage Has Something in Common.

As an infant you are awakened by
brightness and confusion. although
your loved by many, you are taken
away to be alone.

When you have reached the age to be
considered as a toddler. everything
is great and "out of this world", but
when that first day of pre-school or
day care comes you are left with tons
of other children but you yet you still
feel alone.

You have matured by a couple of
years and begin to feel true
emotions.
fear.
happiness.
loneliness.

Your about 12 and realize the importance
of beauty. you realize the magnatude
of being alone, if you aren't the
beauty of another.

When things mean the most and
effect much more then ever meant
to. its when you think being alone
is the worst thing possible but
then you find that someone who
makes you forget about being alone...
but only for a short while.

Something not expeirence, but
observed. seen to be one of the
most confusing times. when you
could be bumbarded with the feelings
of your childhood.
fear.
happiness.
lonliness.

Don't have someone close enough
to really know what this would
feel like. that one day i was all
i could see and all i could sense was
loniness, becuase the one who once
took away your strong feelings of
being alone just left you along
with everyone else.

I didn't feel like talkign about my weekend, so i thought i would share one of my poems with you from english class this year. enjoy.

[	Current Mood	|	uncomfortable	]
[	Current Music	|	blink 182. mutt	]

After my mini theraphy section with eric and paul, on the way home monday night everything has kinda of worsened for the better ? Well not excatly for the better, but when i get sad i say things that i wouldnt normally say, so when i walked in on monday night and she asked what was wrong, it all just came out. minus all the things that make sad that she does. the thing she really needed to know about. so on this fine wednesday, i sat home and talked to sarahjane, about it all. I was bashing my own mother, how wrong. how lame.

1. Drama, has to go. especially computer orinated drama.
2. School is such a downer.
3. Friday is going to be sweet.
4. Im not up for people toying with my mind, so stop.
5. My birthday is coming up soon. Does me saying something about it make a difference ?
6. Only one marking period left, then well see who my real friends are.

"I think of awhile ago we might have had it all. I was so stupid then you needed time to grow. But now just as things change as well as my feelings do in time things rearrange. I am so sick of chasing you. But what do i get cause i just seem to lose you make me regret those times i spent with you and playing those games as i wait for your call. and now i give up, so goodbye and  so long."

[	Current Mood	|	good	]
[	Current Music	|	rarae avis	]

What a great weekend. On friday night me and Shana went down to the beach for a group thing, which was fun like always.. it just started the night off perfectly, i was in such a good mood. we went to pauls house and hung out with everyone.. we drove around and threw water balloons at random kids on the street. It was much fun, a lot of laughing went on. I went home earlier then everyone, becuase i had a regatta early saturday morning. Saturday morning my alarm went off at 4 am. I jumped in the shower and then got ready to leave, my dad dropped me off at the school parking lot at 4:50. I went up to Matthews with Becca Roo, Amanda, and Tom, we all pretty much slept the whole 2 hours up there. Once we got there we just set up our blanket and pillows, laided down, and just talked or colored... it was a very long day. I had a race at 10:00 (?) and one at 3:10.. The first race my boat got last, bummer but what can you say, shit happens. But my second race we got 3rd, but one second.. it was a really awesome race.. good compatition. I didnt get home till about 7:30. I called Shana right when i got home, and then got in the shower and started getting ready for the night.. Eric and Matthew came and picked me up, then the rest showed up at my house so we all drove around, then got some fireworks, and shot them off on the back roads.. after some guy told us there were "navy police" on the road so we should watch out, we left and drove around, ended up going to the warehouse.. chickened out again, becuase we didnt have any flash lights, but we will have them next weekend. definatly. Everyone just sat in the street and talked.. It was so awesome, reminded me of the summer, and the good times. I love you boys, your the greatest. Sunday was real chill, me and Shana woke up didnt do too much, we fished a little and both caught a fish..  it started raining.. hard. so we went in and when it started to calm down we walked to the warehouse, becuase thats how we do. once again heard something and saw something move, so we ran, but i lost my shoe and had to go back, soo scary.. it was just like a movie. My mom made me come home at 5, becuase i was getting a massage. It was an awesome massage!! it was this other lady that my mom knows, and she did a tubular job.

"take this all back.
once more retract.
your words are just the only ones heard.
tell you whats wrong with out your song.
your words are all that keep me here."

[	Current Mood	|	aggravated	]
[	Current Music	|	the only garage band you accepted.	]

Maybe its time for me to update. I havent written since spring break has been going on. i was thinking about deleting it again, but for good. but then i didnt feel like hearing everyone ask me why i deleted it, and knowing me i would want it back about 1 month after i deleted it, so whats the point. bcuase its been so long, im not really gonna talk about what i did over spring break or what i did last week.. too much to rememeber.

sep·a·ra·tion :

The act or process of separating.
The condition of being separated.
The place at which a division or parting occurs.
An interval or space that separates; a gap.

Law. An agreement or court decree terminating a spousal relationship.
Discharge, as from employment or military service.

As i got lured into the convosation of procrastination. i knew it had to come soon or later, but why then, and why there, it wasnt the right time. but those are smallest of questions asked. where am i gonna go, and what will happen to everything. sometimes i feel that my love is being bought. i dont want your money or gifts, i want yoru unity. I know i might be a disapointment to you, becuase of my actions, but they are the effect to your cause. i know your hurt,and that you cant live the rest of your life living that way, becuase its dangerous. so i will let this be what it will be.

[	Current Mood	|	exhausted	]
[	Current Music	|	onelinedrawing. lukewarm	]

LAST PERSON WHO....

Slept in your bed: some girl named Krista
Saw you cry: sarahjane
Made you cry: my mother
Spent the night at your house: danielle
You shared a drink with: tommy
You went to the movies with: can't remember
You went to the mall with: my mother, tommy, sarahjane
Yelled at you: maybe my mother, or sarahjane
You kissed: henry

HAVE YOU EVER....

Said "I love you" and meant it? yes, unfortunatly
Gotten in a fight w/your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc.: yes, stormy hates me.
Been to New York?: yes
Been to Florida?: yes
California?: no
Hawaii?: no
Mexico?: no
China?: no
Canada?: yes
Danced naked?: im sure when i was young
Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: yes.
Wish you were the opposite sex?:  yes, so i could understand why boys do what they do, and why they dont realize the obvious.
Had an imaginary friend?: yes- George!

RANDOM

Red or blue?: green
Spring or fall?: spring
Last noise you heard?: the grinding of my molers 
Last time you went out of the state: can't remember. 
Things you like in a girl/guy?: being resourcful, humor, making me feel special, intellegence, emotional- to an extent., compatible, can tell me everything.
What book are you reading now?: smack
Worst feeling in the world:  lonliness
What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: how much i dont want to go to crew.
How many rings before you answer the phone?: i hate the sound of a ringing phone, so as soon as i can pick it up.
Future daughter's name: reese
Future son's name: aidan, or jack
If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?: fashion designer
Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous?: ambidextrous 
Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?: usually no
What's under your bed?: an almost finsihed bag of chex mix, empty cereal boxes, and emprty saltine cracker boxes.
Current Age: 15-- 16 in almost a month.
Siblings: 1- sarahjane.
Location: chesapeake

THE EXTRA STUFF...

Do you do drugs?: no
Do you drink?: yes
Who is your best friend?: danielle shana
What clothes do you sleep in?: the shirt i had on that day, and pj pants, or just underwear.
Where do you want to get married?: if someone ever wants to marry me... some where isolated.
If you could change anything about yourself what would that be?: whatever it is that makes you not like me.
Who do you really hate?: well theres this one person who does suck a lot...hahahahahahaha
Favorite number: 13, 7, and 21
Been In Love?: at one time i thought so
What Type Automobile Do You Drive: dont drive one.
Are You Timely Or Always Late: i hate when people are super late for me, so i try to always be on time.
Do You Have A Job: no, but i need one
Do You Like Being Around People: depends who the people are.
Are you for world peace:  who isnt ?
Are you a health freak: maybe

Lately my computer has not been up to paR. and it has not allowed me to log in to Myspace or Livejournal.. but today it did!!! so i figured i would take the opportunity and tell you all about my lame, yet interesting life...
Each week is the same.
-Crew.
-School.
-Home. (alone)
-Lonlieness.
-Attempted sleep.
The weekends have seemed to be the same since it has crumbled to the ground. Im always with my boys. <3 It usually allows me to forget... Now that crew has really started i have Regettas (races.. for those who arent in on crew lingo) pretty much every weekend. This weekend i had one. but yeah this weekend...

Friday sucked. period. Saturday was really fun, I had to get up real early though for my regetta. I got to Botenical Gardens around 8 something and had my first race at 9. I got first place! and then layed around for a little while hung out with the others.. then i was out on the water agian.. got last.. bummer but oh well there is a whole season ahead. After ther regetta we all had to go back to the boathouse to derig the boats, after that me amanda and rebecca W. went to taco bell.. made fools of ourselves becuase we were laughing unnecessarily loud. then got dropped off at home, took a nap then a shower.. then out to Evans with rebecca for his suprise birthday party.. that was much fun. I got to spend the night with shana ally and the boys!!! :) Today me rebecca and the boys went out to lunch then went back to Evans to play some DDR!!!! oh yeah, too bad im such an ametuer. but evan on the hand PRO. haha and paul your my little lepruacon. after that rebecca took me home and i took a shower then went out to the boathouse to christan out new boat... champainge. well for the boat.. haha. i got to throw amanda in the wuder. When that whole ordeal was finished me and rebecca went to evans to see if anyone was over there. Shana was <3 we all went out to dinner with evans family. The night came to end and me shana and rebecca went home... and evan josh and paul went to the DDR tounry. haha.

<3 Krista.

"my heart is breaking in two. i'm never good enough for you. sometimes i wish i never had you."